Hercules The Pleasure Coach

Do you have secret fantasies you wish you had the confidence to explore? Have you ever experienced a sensual massage? Are you curious about kink? Meet Hercules The Pleasure Coach as he talks with Dr. Tammy and invites us to experience his world of Therapeutic Touch, BDSM, Cuddle Therapy and Happy Endings.

 GUEST BIO

Hercules The Pleasure Coach is a sex, intimacy & relationship educator, writer, blogger, speaker, activist, coach and permission giver, who has been working with and teaching people about the power and pleasure of intimate touch for over 20 years.  As a trained massage therapist who has been in practice for 30 years, Hercules is the creator of a form massage called Therapeutic Sensual Massage for which he does for his Pleasing Hands massage practice.  In addition is a trained practitioner for Bondassage.

Hercules focuses his work & expertise on various topics of sex positive awareness, sexual and intimate practices, Open Relationship & BDSM Lifestyles but never limits himself to talking about other areas of sex & life.

RESOURCES & INFORMATION
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 · This episode is sponsored by UBERLUBE – The Luxury Lubricant. Go to uberlube.com to get 10% your first order with promo code: DRTAMMY. Uberlube ships for free within the USA. 

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· Learn more about our guest Hercules at pleasinghands.com.

·  Book a Couples or Individual Intensive Session with Dr. Tammy at her Santa Monica, CA or New Haven, CT office.  Email: drtammy@thetroublewithsex.com. 

·  Want more Dr. Tammy? Read her books: The New Monogamy, When You're the One Who Cheats and Getting the Sex You Want.

·  Learn more about our guest, Hercules The Pleasure Coach at http://www.pleasinghands.com.

·  Listen to our full theme song here! NoTroublewithSex_ThemeSong

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Transcript

Dr. Tammy:   0:00
Hey, sexy people. I'm thrilled to announce that I'm now bi coastal and not only offering intensive on the East Coast, but offering half day, full day and even weekend intensive at my ocean front office in Santa Monica. If you live on the West Coast and you want a deep in your intimacy with your partner, or rediscover your connection as a couple or even reconnect to yourself, I'd love to help you on your journey. Space is limited, so book your appointment. Now go to dr tammy dot com or email may At Dr Tammy at the trouble is sex dot com. That's Dr Tammy at the trouble with sex dot com. Put your relationship first to make love last. We have such a special episode for you today. I've been looking forward to this one for so long. I'm so excited. We have Hercules, the pleasure coach with us today in the studio Live from L. A. Hercules is a sex and intimacy and relationship educator, a writer, a blogger, a speaker and activist coach and permission giver. He's been working with and teaching people about the power and pleasure of intimate touch for over 20 years. So he is a trained massage therapist. He's been in practice for like 25 years, and he's the creator of a special form of massage called Therapeutic Central Massage, where he does pleasing hands massage practice. And he's also trained in Bond Assad. He focuses his work and expertise on a lot of different topics, most of them around sex, positive awareness, sexual and intimate practice and B. D s M lifestyles. He really never limits himself to talking about any areas of sex in life. He doesn't seem like a guy with limits way. Welcome to trouble with sex, where we get up close and personal with leading experts to expose the naked truth about sex, love and relationships. I'm Dr Tammy

Hercules:   2:17
Boundaries. Good.

Dr. Tammy:   2:18
No, absolutely. Tell us what it means to be a pleasure coach. And how you even got into this.

Hercules:   2:25
All roads lead to actually should update my biography. I've been doing massage, actually going on 30 years now. That was one avenue. It got me into it. It was a sex educator. Threw out my years. I'm a sex worker as well. And case manager worked in each a V AIDS community. My first step was I was teaching Ah, an intimacy workshop for couples. It just kind of happened where I started talking about pleasure and and whatnot. So pleasure. Scott. Yes, pleasure is always good. Um so.

Dr. Tammy:   2:57
But not easy. Not easy for couples. Not easy for women.

Hercules:   3:01
Not easy for anybody. That's it. We society says it's kind of a no no anyway, So I started off with that, and I just started coaching. People don't limit to myself and who I worked with. What I work with areas and very, you know, sex, positive sex. Positivity, king. Positive, definitely, and want you people to experience the blessed pleasure they can in life.

Dr. Tammy:   3:23
So tell us, and our listeners, what does it mean to be sex positive? It's just looking at

Hercules:   3:30
life. Sex to me is like If you have it there, it connects to life. Sex life, you know, is looking at life in the buzz away, so it's looking at sex buzz away. But it's even, you know, it's understanding that it's a spectrum on. Everyone falls different place of the inspector, and there are people in our in our community. But we do with that have different views than I do, and they follow someplace else on that. We're not all the same. It's just looking at it in a take, looking to positive aspect. But it's also taking the negative aspect and seeing how that could be made positive because, you know, I always feel that the negative always could be turned around and made into a possibly look that that's really the things just

Dr. Tammy:   4:13
so looking at people's sexuality without being negative without shaming people for

Hercules:   4:18
yeah, that's a big thing is not shaming people not look, keeping it a pause about looking, then experience, you know, allowing people have their voice in a couple of conferences back. I was on a panel and I almost didn't do the panel that day because somebody on the panel invalidated what I did. And I was just like, Really, you can't invalidate people. You should listen to what they say. You may not totally agree with him, and you come with that, but it's not being sex positive. You invalidates people.

Dr. Tammy:   4:48
Yeah, and so you kind of do the opposite. You validate people. You give them permission to be into what they're into and to pursue pleasure. We

Hercules:   4:58
as a society have gotten herself in this. A lot of us have gotten this thing either. Society, friends, family. I mean, whatever prevents us from seeking and looking to orgasm or looking to masturbate or looking to try King BDs m or any of that, My ultimate, my job as a coach. Since I'm not a therapist, I'm not there to try to do that part of the thing, But I'm I I always tell people you've worked on your concerns, your issues and all that stuff. It's like, Now let's have somebody coach you and beer

Dr. Tammy:   5:32
Coach. Go ahead. A

Hercules:   5:33
a a a team. Um, so I work with that aspect, but it's really Then what I'm doing is saying Okay, you've gotten yourself to the point where you're going, be more body accepting, and you're gonna touch yourself and stuff. Now, how do we do that? Yeah, I'm gonna give you permission how to do that. And I'm gonna tell you how to do it. And guess what? I'm gonna give you more permission to do it, So

Dr. Tammy:   5:56
yeah, So you really are giving people permission to be in their sexuality, like not just from their head or from this clinical perspective, but really in a perspective ah, body touch, intimacy with their Selves. Really, from a true erotic perspective

Hercules:   6:15
touches one of the greatest things. What? I mean, one of the reasons I do the work I do. I use touch. Being a massage therapist has help from that aspect. Then I said, I do, you know, kink pds. And there's an aspect of very therapeutic. Also a couple therapists. I

Dr. Tammy:   6:33
mean, that's a big wide range. So on one end, we're talking about King could be the SM and the other end. We're talking about being a coddled their master master Hercules. Hercules. Okay, Master Hercules. So let's cut to the good stuff. Okay, let's talk about the good. The kink and BTS am a lot of this and help people. What is BDs and what is skank?

Hercules:   6:56
Bond is just playing saying a mask or slave master of

Dr. Tammy:   7:02
honest, dominant, submissive. Yes, Thank you. Just throw that in there. Okay,

Hercules:   7:07
We get it. Um,

Dr. Tammy:   7:09
kink. The thing you

Hercules:   7:10
understand about King pds, um it's a spectrum, and that's, you know, that's for first up. You know, you don't have to go jump in the divan. Tanny, They're here. Want to jump in the deep end? But understand that spectrum Is that the stuff you see with all the letter whips? Chains and stuff like that can happen. However, if you're talking about, you know, basic stuff, you know, spanking somebody in the butt during sex, that could be kinky. Um, anything is the. Also. When I say it's a spectrum, it's also to understand the spectrum within the spectrum. So if you're talking about spanking again, you in the room, you're with your partner and you're just like going at it and you, like, do with some spanking when you're getting really into it. That's great. But then the other and I really like There's not getting your Massa kissed submissive to be paddled with a you know, heavy paddle and stuff like that. That's the other end. Expect so that's like everything about

Dr. Tammy:   8:11
So okay, so before we just unleash

Hercules:   8:14
all these words

Dr. Tammy:   8:15
all this stuff onto our listeners, we do wanna integrate some safety for them. Yes, so they don't go well, Hercule told Maggie. I think this really turns me on. So he said I could whack you with us, huh? So let's just like, have a little commercial break around safety and king and consent. And can you just tell people like what to say for it is and how the people should like Trump. Okay, a

Hercules:   8:39
little kink. One no one. Um, first of all, calm unification is key. That's one of things. A great thing about King community is that we are very community ve I will always say first things first, get express before you get consent, express your intent to intentions come before consent. And when I when I say intentions, authentic intentions, meaning what you want If you want to tie somebody up with zip ties and then you want to take a cane and spank their ass until it's nice built in and all that stuff you need to bad thing. Don't

Dr. Tammy:   9:21
make it. I'm just saying, I'm just saying if you guys freak me Oh, if that's

Hercules:   9:26
what you want, then you need to say it Beat around the bush not to be authentic and what you want and express your intentions. Once you express your intentions, the person receiving should not feel obligated or anything. They should express their consent and it is expressing it too, You know, an authentic way to what? That sounds good to me. I like that. That or I don't like being the idea of the ties, but I'm okay with, you know,

Dr. Tammy:   9:55
silk scarf,

Hercules:   9:56
silk scarves or something. You know, it's also a negotiation. So this is that part of King Wonder One. Um, do not play beyond your means. Don't play beyond your experiences. If this is your first time dwelling into it, take it slow. If the first experience is great, then you lead to something more. Don't go. You know, as I said, don't go from zero to

Dr. Tammy:   10:19
start slow start easy. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people have read 50 shades of grey and they think, you know, they're gonna get a red room and they're gonna buy all the Yeah, but allows for that.

Hercules:   10:30
No, I mean 50 shades of grey. Uh, the book that shall not be named way named Stuff like that has his purpose. I mean, the one thing I always say about the book one if those people were real people stuff like that, that would be They're seeing their desires. So what they want So too. Yes, that those people in the book are more were least he was more advanced. Three. There are other better books to find and their classes. They're all types of things to go out and do it.

Dr. Tammy:   11:03
We'll put some of those. Resource is in our show notes. So people are curious about Other books that might be bad are three idea of 50 shades of grey. I think open some curiosity for people, particularly for women and and obviously, you know, uh, sprung a leak in some desire around kinky sacks and BTS m, and I'm certain that it, you know, I think it triggered this idea that women could be in control not only as a dominant sexual partner but as a submissive sexual partner. I think that's the first time in history that women really realize, Oh, I have control in both of those places. And that opened up a well of possibilities and that shifted our whole tide of sexuality and that's kind of hot. Yeah.

Hercules:   11:52
Oh, eca. I mean the book, it served its purpose

Dr. Tammy:   11:56
and and now that that's that's a possibility and all those things are open for you to be this pleasure coach who's now teaching people. Okay, that's great. As long as you set your intention and you have consent, then what comes next? It's now exploring now. Exploring? Yeah, starting slow. Start it easy.

Hercules:   12:15
You know, it's yeah. When working with somebody, I try to give us much information from them. When I first started out doing, for example, the therapy sexual massage, I really came about with one of my clients, right When I was, I did regular massage and she she was very disgruntled. The replaces for guys to go, but nothing for women. So she asked me if there was something I do for a night I didn't know. I thought about it and I could see I see the benefit of orgasm being incorporated into body work in touch. It's grown into sense. Where I have women come to me for wanted work on being able to orgasm. I would like to ejaculate to even the realm of that they were sexually assaulted on. They need to get back in touch with their body. Um, they are unable to orgasm from hand touch there. Only able orgasms do thio, vibrator, vibrators, something like that. And They were also a book like shades or other things or society in general. The sex positive side is now pushing Be Maur. What? You want to get that mask? You

Dr. Tammy:   13:23
explore your feelings.

Hercules:   13:24
There are more women that are out there who come to see me. So that was one avenue with, like the central body work with the kink. Same thing. It was a no. I see people for a vast amount of different reasons. You know, I call myself Ah, therapeutic Dom, which means I look at King pds. Um, in a therapeutic way, I do a form of spanking called therapy. Expecting now it's a way to ground yourself for people who get spanked. I work with a couple people who suffer from borderline personality disorder. And the reason they come see me for the spanking is when they're in a state there, feel that they're disconnected from their physical body. They feel like the energies. It yeah, is up here and down here on my lap, when they're across my lap, the physical and buy me spanking and they're pushing it back into the body. So there are, you know, so many different things which you can do with this and that's you know, it's an amazing thing and I love

Dr. Tammy:   14:28
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Hercules:   15:30
So the question is, do you okay? So I do a form massage called bond massage which was developed by Julin Venice in the IV Minnix. And there's actually a plug here. There's Bunty Sighs for lovers. The book,

Dr. Tammy:   15:45
um, massage for Lovers, The book. So it's bondage and massage the combo.

Hercules:   15:50
It's Yeah, it's a combination. It's kinky massage, but it's basically how I use it is as a stepping stone for people who may show interest in King but not sure what they want. So a basic session I just keep it basic. Obey succession. Is having a person communicate with myself? They you know, they can find me on my master Hercules dot com or pleasing hands dot com, and we talk about what they want. And then we also, you know, we go over their intentions and also get some background. You always want to find that out. Maybe what triggers are they make have during a session? Because it's very could be very triggering for somebody to be tied up, and it doesn't have to be again. What What I'm giving is the basic sample, but it could be you can set the primaries for a session, so but I treat the session like a normal presenting yourself sensing. So

Dr. Tammy:   16:46
a normal massage session. You mean

Hercules:   16:47
we'll know in some way? No

Dr. Tammy:   16:49
our normal bond or

Hercules:   16:51
normal king session. Meaning the person I am the Dom dominant. Don it And I want it. I'm the one performed. I'm not the one in control Now with could clarify that a little kink went on again. A submissive is technically the one in control. A section they are Well, not Technically, they are the ones. They're the ones who are giving a power to you, which aren't You should be honored for. Um and I'm honored. When people do that, they're the ones giving that up to you. But they also have a safe word. Meaning and the safe word is usually in most cases is red and that, you know, that safe word is for them to use at any time to stop the session. And when he's read, it stops a session to check in. And then, you know, maybe too much intense. It could be a number of reasons why the use red, but that is they're the ones in control. And you have to honor that. No, if ands or buts. Ah,

Dr. Tammy:   17:58
that really gives the submissive control because they're deciding what's gonna happen when it's gonna happen, how it's going to start. And if it stops,

Hercules:   18:07
um and then you also need to honor their boundaries. Usually in the king PDS on world we call it limits you meaning that you know, they like being spanked, but they don't like being flogged. Now, just the idea spanking again is a spectrum spanking could be done with hand Spanking can be done with the paddle again. You need to specify which ones you're gonna be doing. Ah, flog er it's like whipping of you have a flog her. You have to determine what type of loggers they're going to use all those things. So that's where the question them but to go back when a person does a session with me. Once we got past all that, then we do a scene, and the scene is how again can be presented in a way, you know how you negotiate. But these scenes are ended where the person I actually have them go in the bathroom, wash your hands, maybe even take a shower. Um, if they have not done that already, I like I like my submissive, clean, good take it and then put a robe on and have them come out and then you kneel in front

Dr. Tammy:   19:16
so they kneel down first thing in the first part,

Hercules:   19:18
the old in front of me, and then we D'oh, it's! And we have this progression Where we, um I end up putting on a leather cuffs on the wrists and let us on their ankles. It progresses where they lay down. Now the thing about using Sasha massages and create equalizer and it's a great sway to slowly go into things

Dr. Tammy:   19:39
and relax. Relax.

Hercules:   19:41
Now there are those in the king PDs and community like you're a dominance. Giving the massage they should should be wrist. And I'm like, No, you're still doing a scene. You're still, you know, along the lines of a

Dr. Tammy:   19:54
lot of, ah, rules and judgments community.

Hercules:   19:58
Ernest Greene, who is Ah, Nina Hartley. Nina Hartley is a door in performer, and her husband partner earn screen once said, You know, they call this thing that the old guard and the old guard is basically a bunch of old people who decided that gimpy the FM has to be a certain way and it doesn't. There's no real particular written rules. It depends on the group there. Maybe, you know, a dungeon or something like that has certain protocols, and they wanted to live by those protocols. That's fine. I have no nothing against the old guard of the away thinking, but it's really what you decide. Every person I play was I have different set of rules and based on our negotiation with

Dr. Tammy:   20:39
so you do like integrative kink, you wouldn't agree. I like

Hercules:   20:42
like, um, so basically, what I do is, you know, once we start going along with session, we determine I do the massage. There is now a sensory dep oration, meaning person's face down. Can't hear me move around the table. And it's one of those things in that sense, the great That's one of the great things about bond. Assad is that when you first start off, you can't see the person so and you can't hear because you were wearing headphones and you have music. Chai me and then all sudden,

Dr. Tammy:   21:15
you put headphones on him with music playing and maybe like, um, something face down. So they're

Hercules:   21:22
facing up that you put blindfolds. But the thing is, is that. Now those are two senses. They're taken away from you. So when you all sudden you get spanked on your ass from one angle and it stops. And then I come up with a wartenberg wheel and I go on your foot.

Dr. Tammy:   21:37
Wow. And then you do a massage.

Hercules:   21:39
But I'm also young. Anybody. Then it's like, also different intensity. So here. Yeah, I'm doing massage. I was going along. Denny, stop since, like, oh, what's going on? And then also, I come along with, you know, uh, paddle and or I take it

Dr. Tammy:   21:54
It's not, like distressing because it's like a shock. No,

Hercules:   21:57
it's I mean, you don't do it in the curtain, you know, you're not going 0 to 60 and then going

Dr. Tammy:   22:01
right, you know, whacking people like I Yeah, I'm building them up. It's surprising,

Hercules:   22:05
but it's also again for them, too. Experience this mortgage border, all these different things you can do.

Dr. Tammy:   22:11
So you know, one thing I think people don't know about this sort of practice is that there is a feeling when you are experiencing that kind of sensation that's actually relaxing. Uh, you know, even though it seems intense, like something spanking your paddling. You you do go into sort of the subspace. They call it the submissive space that because of all the brain chemicals that are released in the endorphins and everything else, you actually go into this deep, relaxed place.

Hercules:   22:40
So, yeah, your brain is going Bowman. You know, it's what you're It's going 100 miles an hour, different things, whether it be a regular massage or in, you know, ah, bon massage. You know, whether you're not even doing about such thing, you're just getting flogged. You're against the casinos, cross and getting flogged like that. It's very much about single, very thought. It gets he going where all is you can do is focus in on that particular one thing,

Dr. Tammy:   23:07
your moment

Hercules:   23:09
or it's like What's next? And it's just all you were in the toll it Yes, totally in a moment, and you start going this space where you're just like I'm just letting Let must let myself go. The only thing is, you know, the thing I say is that I do not as a submissive don't get in the space of, um, I'm just gonna let them do what they do and I'll push my way through it because that that won't be a good scene. What is a good scene is just enjoying the moment, enjoying the sensations they're going on and, you know, working with it in allowing yourself again, giving yourself a year. I mean, if I'm giving you permission, give yourself permission.

Dr. Tammy:   23:47
Ah, has to be fun. But

Hercules:   23:48
the thing is, is that, you know, wants to get into that state. You know, You just get anything enter in time, you know, I'll be there. Using a session for me is anywhere from 90 minutes to two hours, and that by the time they're done, by the time we get to going into after care of state once like me, as I said, I also incorporate orgasms is once they've had, you know, orgasm. And usually I'm safest so

Dr. Tammy:   24:13
clearly, I

Hercules:   24:15
so I'll you know, you're not gonna usually have one orgasm. You're gonna have, um,

Dr. Tammy:   24:21
torture are bunch. I really like your wife. She's not a and s

Hercules:   24:27
o. I'm going. And she's a dawn tubes with them.

Dr. Tammy:   24:30
Jeez. So the studio.

Hercules:   24:34
So, uh, yeah, I'm so I must say it is. But once I get to the point were we Segway off that and start going to aftercare that I said, We're going from like, 90 minutes to two hours. They think that lasted maybe 20

Dr. Tammy:   24:49
minutes. Your sense of time is this thing

Hercules:   24:51
like you're discombobulated

Dr. Tammy:   24:53
in that after care time after someone's untied, they're done. It's been two hours, which seems very generous. Uh, is that when you do the cattle massage? Um, it's called. Okay, so we have a fantasy of cuddle massage? I don't know. Is that wrong? No. Z even Great. Uh,

Hercules:   25:14
no. Um So as I said, I everything I do is a big is a spectrum Over here is Master Hercules. Over here is our Hercules. The couple of the couple of therapists. Um, so I incorporate Well, they're after a scene in Kinky is, um is after care. And that's where you are there for the person you're with. Whether it be just touching, it could be cuddling. I incorporate cuddling into my aftercare because it's against a good way to connect.

Dr. Tammy:   25:46
Just hold them

Hercules:   25:48
down. Just, you know, just, you know, get in there with that energy, because hell the damn endorphins are going.

Dr. Tammy:   25:54
Yeah,

Hercules:   25:55
good way just to start coming down. So you don't experience something that call sub drop, and that's where I just call it Now call it drop because we as a society and people were always up here, we get in. These things would be at a convention or in life or what? Not so same thing. That's when you're really intense in, You know, when you're doing a scene, you start dropping

Dr. Tammy:   26:20
and you drop heart. It's a very vulnerable, very bones cry. It's really intense.

Hercules:   26:25
So cuddling is important. And then and how you know Justin, Then the flip end of the spectrum. As I said, I used touch as cuddling as a way to explore, you know, in a non sexual way, too.

Dr. Tammy:   26:40
So I have a question from one of our listeners, and it's from Taylor in Mississippi, and he says, I wantto practice some BDs um, with my wife. How do I get her to be into it?

Hercules:   26:55
The best way to do it is if there's interest from your wife first all see if there's interest makes on being in. If if she shows interest, then member your interest in one level, you may not match on the

Dr. Tammy:   27:13
interest on the

Hercules:   27:13
interest get, You know, she may be interested in, you know, being tied up in my interest in spanking you majors. You know something? So what I do, um I just in those cases whether it be and I use this the same thing for sex, and I use the same for kink because you can do it. It's interchangeable. Um, is yes. No. Maybe So you got you find outs. You lay a list of things out. So you start off the basic spanking and you know, if the person has a question like what? Wasn't it fine? Yes. No, maybe. And if they if they do, if you're both yeses, then you go from there, and you you investigate. As I said, it's a spectrum within the spectrum. So if you're, you know, spanking you see how intense is banking on. Also I like to say to people Is that we have limits day. As I said, hard limits. Often it's meat medium limits. Don't ever limit yourself into say that's gonna be Oh, that's my hard limit. I would never, for example, one of the classic one instances I never want to be peed on. Pissed on.

Dr. Tammy:   28:17
I don't want that well, but it's a pretty hard limit at this time, right in this moment. But

Hercules:   28:26
that's the thing I

Dr. Tammy:   28:26
always studio. It's a pretty well. But is this

Hercules:   28:32
one of things? Is that I always find, you know, say when you create your limits and stuff like that, always, you or anything just say at this time because one of things I always find out it's always funny when I worked with something when they just start off and then I mean some of my submissive I've done worked with from the beginning. I looked at her hard limit list one day, and we've we've crossed way. Every one of them is pretty much gone. So is this

Dr. Tammy:   29:00
one, Salvio. I'll keep it over, Mike. Okay, So before we end, yes, there One tip that you can leave our listeners with. Oh, I know you have so many. One to just the

Hercules:   29:11
tip. Um, just really. My biggest tip is just allow yourself to be authentic. Um, allow yourself to experience the pleasure you want. Don't limit yourself. It's it. Really. We keep talking about you wanting more in society and that would be. It's one of the best ways to do it. It's just allow yourself to be you.

Dr. Tammy:   29:39
I like that. I also like the Yes, no. Maybe that's a very good exercise. Hercules, thanks so much for being here to thank

Hercules:   29:46
you for having

Dr. Tammy:   29:46
until next time this episode was brought to you by uber Loop the luxury lubricant. To find out more, go to the trouble of sex dot com or email me at Dr Tammy at the trouble with sex dot com. Join our mailing list. Follow us on social media, Sign up for our newsletter or send me a question. The Trouble With Sex is produced by Brandi Savit. Jane Applegate. Our audio is by Flavor Lab. New York City are L. A studio engineer is Aaron Stein. This episode was mixed by Eric Stern, with music by Bruce Hurst Here